Common Questions
Introduction
Making a life-altering decision is never easy. There are so many things to consider - how the decision will affect you over the short and long term, how you'll deal with all the emotions and changes involved, and how others will respond to your decision. One thing is certain, though, the best decisions are reached when equipped with solid information and a full understanding of your options.
If you're facing an unplanned pregnancy, there's no doubt you have a lot to consider. Since our
founding in 1981, Adoption Options has helped thousands of people just like you. We understand what you're going through and can answer all your questions. We do it because we care and because - first and foremost - we're here to help.
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Decision-Making Counseling Programs
So, just what is decision-making counseling? It's a series of nonjudgmental, unbiased, ethical, and non-coercive counseling sessions designed to educate and assist people experiencing an unplanned pregnancy. It is free of charge and free of pressure. It helps birthparents and their families consider all available options and make the best choices for their child.and for themselves.
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Understanding Your Options
A face-to-face session of approximately 2 hours with a trained counselor provides you with a clear understanding of your pregnancy options.
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Counseling for Birthparents
In-depth, face-to-face counseling, designed to fit your needs, helps you develop a plan for your child. Counseling content ranges from the concrete to the abstract. Topics may include grief and loss, emotions, your future goals, your financial needs, pressure from family and friends, and individual plans for you and your baby.
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Counseling for Family of the Birthparents
Face-to-face counseling with additional members of the birthparent's family is also available. This thorough session gives information about the adoption process, and educates family members about adoption's potential impact on the birthparent's family unit.
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Community Adoption Education
This program can be tailored to individuals or groups. It includes the dissemination of accurate, clear, and concise information to health care providers, educators, the clergy, and other professional members of the community - anyone in a position to assist a birthparent with the decision- making process. Topics may include adoption myths, birthparents and relinquishment, the counseling process, attitudes and values towards birthparents, and answers to general adoption questions.
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Community Outreach
Adoption Options' credentialed staff is available for speaking engagements and presentations to any size group or conference. Staff members will utilize brochures, posters, and the website to help raise awareness of adoption.
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Commonly Asked Questions By Birthparents
I'm pregnant and scared, and I'm not sure what to do.
We know this is an overwhelming time for you, but you do have options. Depending on the stage of your pregnancy, the choices you have include: termination of the pregnancy, choosing to parent, or developing a plan for adoption. Your family and friends will either be supportive or not. This may be confusing while you're trying to figure out what's best for you and your unborn child, but with some counseling you may find it easier to decide. There are caring and kind counselors available to assist you in making this life-altering decision.
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If I am thinking of adoption, what do I need to do?
The first step is to find a licensed adoption agency you feel comfortable working with. There are lots of adoption agencies, but you need to find one that is caring, sensitive, professional, and meets your needs. In Colorado, birthparents are required to receive relinquishment counseling, which can be quite helpful in your time of need. Adoption Options has 25 years of experience working with individuals like yourself, who are experiencing an unplanned pregnancy.
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What is relinquishment?
Relinquishment is when birthparents give up their legal parental rights and responsibilities, enabling their child to be adopted. Following counseling, relinquishment is a legal process that is completed through the court. You may or may not be required to attend court, depending on the decision of the judge.
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What does the counseling include?
First of all, there's no charge for this counseling. You will meet with an empathetic and knowledgeable decision-making counselor who will help you create the best plan for you and your baby. By law, counseling includes motivation for relinquishment, the finality of your decision, grief and loss, and future plans. Your counselor will also be open to exploring other issues you may wish to discuss.
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What about the birthfather?
Birthfathers have legal rights, they're entitled to counseling to explore their options, and we do offer it to them. Sometimes the situation with the birthfather is complicated, emotional, or threatening and you may be worried about how to deal with this. There are occasions where a birthfather may deny paternity, there may be more than one possible birthfather, or the birthfather may not cooperate with an adoption plan. These problems can often be worked out with the counselor, who is experienced in such cases.
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My family's unhappy about my adoption plan. Can they get counseling as well?
Yes. There are a lot of misconceptions about adoption and families need complete inform ation to better understand the decision you're making. If your family is open to receiving information and counseling, this can be made available to them. Remember, though, the decision to relinquish or not is yours.not your family's.
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Can I get any financial help?
Yes. Often pregnant women find themselves struggling financially. We don't want the financial burden to be the only factor in a decision to relinquish. In Colorado, you may be able to receive pregnancy-related expenses including rent, food, maternity clothes, and medical costs. Counselors can help you learn about the state benefits you may be eligible to receive.
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What happens when my baby is born?
Your baby can be placed in our loving cradle care program before you relinquish your parental rights, or may be placed directly with an adoptive family. The decision is yours based on your feelings at the time you give birth.
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How are adoptive families approved?
All families go through an extensive assessment and education process. Criminal background and reference checks are undertaken, and the families are interviewed many times - both separately and together. It is only after all these things have been completed that families are approved to adopt a child at Adoption Options.
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Do I have a choice of adoptive families?
Yes. Most agencies have more adoptive families than birth families. Adoption Options has a wide range of approved families waiting to adopt - who will accept a child of any ethnic background or with a variety of special needs. You will be able to meet the family if you wish to do so, and, ultimately, choose an adoptive family that meets your needs and the needs of the baby.
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Will an adoptive family love my baby as much as I do?
Most adoptive families have been waiting a long time to have a baby placed in their arms and tell us they couldn't love the child more if it had been born to them.
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Will the adoptive family tell the child about me?
There are no absolutes, however, most children grow up knowing they are adopted. Adoptive parents are aware of the importance of sharing the adoption story with their child, and this will most likely include information about you.
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Will I regret this forever? Will I ever get over the loss?
You will never forget the decision you make for you and your baby. However, grieving is a healing process. Through the emotional ups and downs, over time you will find yourself moving forward and moving on. Even though you will mourn your loss, you may be comforted in knowing you did what was best for your child and were the loving parent he or she needed and deserved. At Adoption Options, there are support groups with other relinquishing parents, as well as ongoing individual counseling and support as you need it.
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What is "open" adoption?
Open adoption can range from totally open - with full identities shared - to almost closed, where you choose not to receive any information about the adoptive family. However, this latter situation is less common these days. Most birthparents choose a semi-open adoption, where non-identifying information is shared and communication between you and the adoptive family is through the agency. The level of openness can increase or decrease over time, as relationships between birthparents and adoptive parents change.
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I realized that if I wanted to give her the best, I should make sure she gets more than parents who exist only for financial support. Working multiple jobs, each would leave little time for her and that's not fair. I wouldn't say it's been easy, and I doubt it will ever get easier, but I can live with that. I know firsthand "What's easy isn't always right and what's right isn't always easy."
Michelle, 18 year-old birth mother
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I loved her the moment I laid eyes on her and it was in that instant I knew adoption was the best choice for both of us. I was unable to give her the things she needed both financially and emotionally. Adoption has allowed her to grow and explore the world in a stable and loving environment. Through open adoption I have been blessed with the opportunity to watch her grow into a beautiful child who fills my heart with happiness and peace.
Katie, 22 year-old birth mother
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